By: Danielle Jamie
A Brooklyn Novel
April 27th 2004
People are everywhere as we walk up to the frat house. The entire front yard is packed with party goers and music is blaring across the yard.
I glance to my right where I hear a loud commotion and see a girl being held upside by two guys, while a crowd of people stand around cheering her on. We’ve been to tons of high school parties, which are crazy, but they don’t even come close to anything like this.
I see a guy passed out in a lawn chair wearing nothing but his boxers. A mustache is drawn on his face along with “I love dick,” written on his forehead.
“Remind me to never get that drunk. Ever.” My best friend Savannah says, cringing as we pass by the poor guy who’ll be sporting that lovely artwork for a few days.
“I, for one, will watch how much I drink once I move in here,” Jaden says as he pulls me across the yard, glancing back at the passed out dude one more time.
This is our first college party; my boyfriend of two months, Jaden Rivers, is the quarterback of our high school team and coming here to UCLA in the fall to play football. We plan on attending UCLA too, but we have two more years before we graduate. Everyone has been asking me how I feel about him going off to college while I’ll still be in high school. In all honesty, I’m not stressing over it because I doubt by fall Jaden and I will still be a couple.
All my relationships seem to come with expiration dates. I just get bored after a few months. The guy always ends up too clingy. Which is crazy because, as a chick, I should want a guy who wants to be with me all the time…but I just don’t.
Jaden is two years older than me, and I guess the fact that every girl in our high school wants him, makes him more desirable to me. He’s a fantastic kisser and if tonight goes as planned, I’ll finally know how he is in the sack. We talked earlier and decided tonight is the night I’ll finally take the plunge and lose my virginity.
I know…so romantic! Planning is necessary when each of us constantly has at least one at parent home. You have to improvise. After hanging out here with his college buddies, tonight’s plan is to drive to the lookout where our friends always go when they want to hook-up.
“I so need to do a keg stand! It looks so fun!” I am bursting with excitement as I squeeze Jaden’s hand and pull him faster towards the group of party goers.
“I’ll be right back, babe and then I’ll help you do one.” Jaden says as he hooks his arm around my waist and presses a quick kiss to my neck, before walking away from Savannah and I to go bro hug a few of his friends standing around the keg.
I can’t help but notice a few girls eying him like a fresh piece of meat.
Sorry, ladies, but this one is mine and I will not hesitate to slap a bitch.
Savannah grabs my shoulder, taking my attention away from the girls that are looking at my man like he’s the last celery stick at the salad bar. She leans up on her tiptoes to whisper in my ear, “So tonight’s the night?”
I can’t help but laugh at her question. We tell each other everything. Last night we were on the phone for hours talking about Jaden and I taking our relationship to the next level.
Turning to her, I flash a big, all teeth smile, “Yup. I told him last weekend if we won our softball game this week he’d get lucky. We won…so he’s getting lucky.”
Savannah shakes her head, as she nibbles on her lip. It’s a habit she has when she’s nervous or wants to say something, but is afraid to.
“Spit it out already, Savannah. I know you want to say something.” I tease, as I rest my hands on my hips and purse my lips.
Twirling one of her long blonde curls around her finger, she leans in and asks quietly so no one else can hear. “Are you sure about this? I don’t want you to regret this decision in the morning.”
Ahh. My best friend is a hopeless romantic. She, like me, is also still a virgin. I know it won’t be long before her and her boyfriend, Matt, finally go at it like bunnies. She has this impression that you have to be head over heels in love before you have sex. I believe as long as he’s hot and we have off the charts chemistry that’s all that matters.
Do I get butterflies in my stomach when he smiles at me? Yes.
Do I love him? No.
My focus right now is on softball; keeping my grades up so I don’t get benched and my acting career. Boys come last on that list because I have dreams that I want to achieve.
My dream isn’t to end up as someone’s Stepford wife. It’s to become a star.
Nodding, I tell her honestly, “Yes. I’m more than sure. Thank you for being concerned about me. Now let’s move on from all this heavy shit and party!”
Laughing, Savannah looks over her shoulder at me as she grabs us each a Solo cup of beer from a guy standing by the keg, “Okay. I promise, for the rest of the night, we will focus on having fun and not getting so drunk that you end up puking on Jaden before anything can happen.”
“Good thinking. That would totally ruin our evening. If you see me getting out of hand just smack me and remind me of the whole up chucking thing.”
Poking me with her elbow she smiles, “Hey, what are best friends for?”
After dropping Savannah off at her house, Jaden and I drove to the spot that overlooks the entire city of Los Angeles that all of our friends park at to hook-up. I have to admit the view of the city is breathtaking from up here.
We’re sitting on the hood of his ‘69 Mustang as I snuggle into his side, admiring the view below. Luckily, everyone is too busy partying on a Friday night to be up here, so we have the entire area to ourselves.
I just lost my virginity in the backseat of his car. Having sex in a car is nothing like they depict in the movies I’ve watched. It definitely wasn’t hot and steamy more like uncomfortable and awkward. It doesn’t help that his Mustang has a very small backseat!
Jaden was gentle and really sweet. It hurt, which I was expecting, but I was hoping it would be more enjoyable than it actually was. There were no fireworks or mind blowing experiences. Those damn romance novels blow smoke up your ass with all their virgins finally having sex and wanting to pass out from an orgasm.
At least I had talked to a few of my teammates and they warned me how it would really be. They definitely weren’t exaggerating when they told me it would hurt and pretty much suck. But Jaden promised me it will feel better next time.
I still can’t believe we finally did it. My head is reeling at the moment because, as Jaden was finishing, he gazed down into my eyes and with so much love pouring out of them and told me the three words I was praying he wouldn’t say.
When he said he loved me I froze.
What do you do in that situation? Lie? Or just say it back?
I really like him. I love being with him, but I don’t love him. I’m only sixteen and we’ve only been dating two months!
I lust him, I know that for certain.
He more than likely doesn’t even love me. I’m sure he just got caught up in the moment with having his dick buried inside of me and all. I’ve heard guys and girls get caught up in the moment and say I love you, then later realize it was just the hormones talking.
But I did what I think any girl would do in the situation; I ran my fingers through his hair, smiled up at him and repeated the three words back to him. I can’t not say it back. That’s just wrong, especially since we were in the middle of having sex for the first time.
Now we’re sitting outside in the warm spring evening and breathing in the fabulous California smog as Jaden hugs me against him in his false sense of lover’s bliss.
“How are you feeling?” Jaden asks breaking me out of my thoughts.
Snuggling tighter against him, I press a kiss to his cheek and smile up at him. I get lost in his eyes that are reflecting all of the city lights below us. He is really good looking and the nicest guy I’ve dated so far. I hate that I am not feeling what he is. I feel guilty lying to him.
“Feeling great.” I hug him a little tighter, “I’m glad you were my first, Jaden.”
A sly grin appears on his lips, as he stares down at me, “Me too. I’m sorry it couldn’t be more romantic. I meant what I said earlier…I love you, Brooklyn. I’m not just saying it because you let me take your virginity tonight.”
There are those three words again. I love you. Then he clarifies to me that he really loves me.
I need to get over my guilt of saying ‘I love you’ to him without meaning it because I am starting to think that he is going to be saying them to me a lot now.
“It may not have been the most romantic spot to some people, but to me it was romantic. So thank you for tonight….and I love you too.”
After Jaden had dropped me off at my house, I showered then climbed into bed. The first thing I did was call Savannah. She knows me better than anyone. Thankfully, she understood completely what was going through my head tonight. She reassured me that not feeling the same way he is, does not make me a bad person.
As soon as I as I get off the phone with Savannah, my phone vibrates alerting me of a new text. As soon as I open it I see it’s a text from
Tonight was awesome thanks 4 coming 2 the party and for
a memorable night. I can’t wait 2 c u tomorrow.
I ❤ U, Jaden
I stare at his text for what feels like ten minutes but is probably only ten seconds before replying.
I had a blast 2. College parties r way crazier than I thought! Ty for tonight… ❤ Brooklyn xoxo
Each time I say ‘I love you’ back to him, I feel like an even bigger pile of shit. I hate that he had to go and ruin a good thing by telling me those three freaking words.
I spend the remainder of the night staring at my ceiling. After thinking all night, I finally came to this conclusion: I need to end my relationship with Jaden.
When we first got together, he was known as the player of our school, and then BAM! He gets with me and now wants to be Mr. One-Woman-Man.
We’re young. Now is the time to have fun, be wild, explore the world, and make all of the crazy mistakes, so when the time comes and we settle down, we’ll have no regrets.
That’s exactly what I plan on doing.
December 4th 2012 Present Time
Standing out on my patio beside the pool, I stare up at the Hollywood sign that’s only a few hundred yards away from my home. It’s sad saying goodbye to this house. Savannah and I have made so many amazing memories here since we moved in two years ago. As soon as we graduated from college we rented this house in the Hollywood Hills. I decide I need one more picture before I walk out the door of this house forever. Grabbing my phone, I take a quick selfie with the Hollywood sign behind me and then pull up Twitter. I upload the pic, tagging Savannah and type,
@Savannah_Livingston Saying Goodbye 2 our bachelorette pad.
Gonna miss this house & all the memories we made here.
Stuffing my phone back into my purse, I take one more look around before walking out the front door and locking it. Climbing into my Jeep, I drive down the driveway and head to the closest Starbucks for a much needed caffeine boost. After spending the entire day with movers getting the house packed up, I am in desperate need of a pick me up.
I never thought in a million years I’d be moving out of Los Angeles. I travel all over the country for work but still always thought of L.A. as my home, and to now be saying goodbye, feels surreal. I was thinking about keeping the house but without Savannah paying half the rent, its way to expensive. I won’t be able to live in Galveston full-time because of my filming in Vancouver and work I have here in the city. I’ll be flying back and forth quite a bit so I plan on staying at my parents’ house in Beverly Hills whenever I’m in town.
But I’m excited for a change of scenery. I have lived in Los Angeles my entire life and am over the whole dating actors and models. They are so pretentious.
I told Savannah, since we’ve only had a few days together to visit lately, we’re going out as soon as I get back down there. We need to do some cowboy hunting for me. She has herself a sexy ass cowboy, her new boyfriend Kayden Knox, so now it’s my turn to get me one.
L.A. traffic is horrific right now. After sitting in traffic for thirty minutes, I’m finally able to park my Jeep alongside the curb. I fix my hair and makeup in the visor mirror before grabbing my purse and jumping out. The streets are buzzing with people everywhere. Starbucks is packed as I make my way inside.
Getting in line, I pull out my phone and scroll through Facebook to pass the time before I’m finally called up to place my order. After ordering my coffee flavored Frappuccino, I step off to the side and wait for it to be made. Of course being my usual clumsy self, I foolishly try to text and walk, and end up crashing against a tall hard body. Looking up I mentally cringe.
Of all the males in the Los Angeles area, I have to run into Logan Sanders.
Kill me now please.
“Whoa…Brooklyn.” He says reaching out and grabbing my arms.
Letting out a loud sigh I give him a fake smile, “Oh, so sorry about that.” Holding my phone up I tell him, “Texting and walking, seriously the most dangerous thing on the planet.”
Nodding he lets out a nervous laugh, “Sure is. So, how have you been?”
The last thing I want to do is have small talk with this douchebag.
Dropping my phone back into my purse, I grab my coffee that was just set on the counter. Turning back to Logan, I decide he’ll learn sooner or later, so maybe me telling him will finally get him to leave Savannah alone for good.
“I’ve been great. Super busy with filming and packing up our house. I actually just finished up about thirty minutes ago, so I stopped here for a coffee on the way to my parents’ house.”
Raising an eyebrow he gives me a questionable look, “Packing? Where are you moving to? Savannah’s moving, too?”
Shifting my weight onto my right foot, I take a sip of my coffee as I glance towards the exit. I just want to get as far away from this man as fast as I can, before I can’t resist the urge to knee him in the balls any longer.
“Yeah. Our landlord was letting us lease month by month since we’ve been there two years so, thankfully, he let us move. We are in need of a change of scenery. We’re both sick of the L.A. smog and the nonstop drama that comes with living here. So we’re moving into the beach house in Galveston.”
Logan’s face quickly goes from confused to angry.
Crossing his arms against his chest, he lowers his voice and glares down at me. “What a coincidence she decided to move to a town just outside Houston, where that Kayden Knox guy lives. I saw the photos of them after the Envy party. I’m guessing this has a lot to do with that guy and not just needing a change of scenery.”
This is the last place I want to be having this conversation. Nervously shifting my purse on my shoulder, I eye the people around us, praying no one is giving Logan any attention. He is seriously the worst fame whore of all time.
I glare straight back up at him, “You lost the right to know anything about Savannah the day you decided it was okay to bang any whore who walked into your office. Kayden is a hundred times the man you ever were and a stallion in the sack…” Spinning on my heels, I take a long sip from my coffee before flashing him a mega-watt smile, “Have a nice life Logan.” The sarcasm in my voice is evident, I can’t help but giggle at the look of fury on his face.
I just lost five minutes of my life I’ll never get back, but the look on Logan’s face when I told him about Kayden was so worth it. I’m glad I won’t have to run into his sorry ass every damn day now.
I now understand why Savannah wants to get the fuck out of this cesspool they call Hollywood.
ADD to your TBR Lists! https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20647056-wasted-love