Indestructible Desire Porlogue




Pulling into the ER parking lot I quickly park my truck, and sprint through the doors of the hospital. I think I broke every speed limit getting here, but I don’t give a flyin’ fuck. I need to know how Savannah is. Not going in the Ambulance with her, almost killed me. I probably look like a mess right now. I’ve run my hands through my hair so many times during my drive here. My entire body is numb, I feel like I’m on autopilot. I won’t feel like me again until I know Savannah is safe, and Zak is caught.

Raking my fingers through my hair for what has to be the hundredth time in the last hour, I approach the woman sitting behind the counter. “I need Savannah Livingston’s room number!” I say breathlessly. My heart is beating harshly against my chest. My lungs burning from running like a bat outta hell into here.

Slamming my hands onto the counter, I grip the edges. Trying everything I can to hold myself together. I have to stay strong for Savannah. The thought of Zak still being out there scares the living shit out of me. I won’t be able to rest until I know he’s been caught. I can relax a little now that the cops are doing everything they can to catch him. All I care about right now is getting to Savannah, and making sure she’s okay. I almost died right there in her car when I couldn’t find a pulse. It shredded me seeing her all bloody and lifeless.

Looking up at me from her computer she asks, “Are you family? We can only give personal information to family members.” She says arrogantly. I’m two seconds away from jumping over the fuckin’ counter and pounding on the damn computer keys myself and find out where the hell she is.

Taking a deep breath, I try to keep myself as calm as I can possibly be, considering everything that’s happening. “Listen woman. I don’t give a rat’s ass about the policy right now. The love of my life is back there in god knows what kind of condition. Her parents aren’t here and I’m all she’s got. They’ll tell you when they get here, but right now I need to see her.”

Standing from her chair, she glances at me, momentarily batting her long fake eyelashes. Giving me a sympathetic smile, she walks through the double doors leading to the ER rooms. I rest my elbows on the counter and bury my face in my hands. I feel like I’m trapped in a bad nightmare, and screaming at myself to wake up so I can see that none of this is really happening. I will roll over and find Savannah sleeping peacefully in our bed beside me.

A few moments later she comes back through the hospital doors with a police officer right beside her. I recognize him as one of men that was with the Detectives at the accident.

He walks up me and extends his hand out, “Good evening Mr Knox. Miss Olsen came and let me know what was goin’ on. I’m Officer Mason. I informed her that what you told her, is in fact true. So I’ll escort you to Savannah Livingston’s room right now. She isn’t in there because she’s being prepped for surgery. I will let you talk to the Charge nurse and get all the details on her condition.”

Releasing his hand, I slide mine into my jean pockets. “Thank you, I appreciate the help.” My entire body is shaking from the adrenalin coursing through it. My stomach feels as if I’ve been stuck out on choppy water in the middle of the ocean for days. My nerves are shot. Not being right there beside Savannah right now is killing me.

“Her parents are still on their way here. I‘m all she has right now.” With long quick strides we walked through the double doors and down a long corridor. I hate not knowing how she is. If she’s okay or what the extent of her injuries is. The not knowing is what is hurting me the most.

I love her way too much to lose her. We’ve only just begun our journey together. After what feels like forever, we finally stop in front of room 112. “You can sit in here. I’ll let the charge nurse know you have permission to be back here. She’ll likely be able to answer most of your questions. We have myself and another officer guarding her room. Officer Gordon is in the O.R. with her right now.”

Sitting down in one of the chairs by the hospital bed, I take in everything he’s saying but my head seems like it’s in a fog. “Thanks. I hope they catch Zak sooner rather than later, so I can focus on carin’ for Savannah. Instead of stressing’ over if he’s gonna show up and try to hurt her again.”

“I imagine we’ll catch him very soon. He’s suffered injuries from the crash. He’s on foot, and there are police officers and detectives searching everywhere. The entire area is closed off with road blocks.”

After Officer Mason went to find the ER Nurse, I decided to flick through a magazine and try to distract myself. Two magazines later a nurse finally walked into Savannah’s hospital room. “Hi, Mr. Knox. I’m Kathy, the evening nurse here in the E.R., the Doctor is in surgery right now with Savannah. He’ll be down to talk about everythin’ once she’s out of surgery.”

Setting the magazine down, I stand up, and wipe my damp palms on my jeans. My nerves are getting the best of me. The worst case scenarios have been running through my head the last fifteen minutes. “The EMT’s at the crash site mentioned potentially swelling of the brain?”

“Yes. She wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, so when the car flipped she received a lot of injuries. One of them being the swelling of the brain. She’s in surgery now so they can relieve the pressure on her brain. They also believe she has some bruised or fractured ribs and a sprained or broken wrist. We won’t know for sure until after she comes out of surgery and the doctors can do some X-rays.”

“Was she still unconscious when she went into surgery? When the EMT’s were checking her over she wasn’t responsive before they put her in the ambulance.”

Looking down at the clip board she had removed from Savannah’s door, she lets out a sigh. Instantly making the knot in the pit of my stomach tighten. “It says here she was unconscious and non responsive when she arrived in the E.R., and was still when they rushed her into surgery. Her brain is just trying to heal. To do so it sometimes has to shut itself off in order to repair itself. She will more than likely wake up with the next few hours to maybe a few days. It’s hard to tell with brain injuries.”

I’m thankful I finally know what’s going on, but now I wonder was I better off being in the dark? I’m dizzy from everything buzzing around in my head. What will I do if she doesn’t wake up? If she does, what if she wakes up not the same Savannah she was before her accident. Zak better pray the cops catch him and not me. If I do, he won’t be going to jail. He’ll be in the ground right beside Jacob.


Savannah’s surgery lasted for several hours, and then after her surgery they had to do Cat scans, Mri’s, and X-rays. It’s now two A.M, and I’m on my fifth cup of vending machine coffee. If you can even call it that. Good news is she only has a few bruised ribs, and a sprained wrist. Only thing they are concerned about is the swelling, but she’s been out of surgery for over an hour, and already showing improvements. Her vitals are getting stronger, but she’s still not awake. They keep telling me to just keep talking to her. They said they’ve talked to enough patients to know that most of the time they hear us.

So now I’m layin’ beside her in the hospital bed. The nurse tried to tell me I couldn’t and there’s a bed that pops out of the chair. But she quickly figured out, that was an argument she wasn’t gonna win.

Laying in the bed all hooked up to I.V.’s and breathing tubes in her nose, she looks so tiny and fragile. Far from the wild and free spirited Savannah I know. Her head is covered in a bandage because of the small incision they had to do to relieve the pressure on her brain. It pains me to see her like this. The guilt is eating away at me. I should have been more cautious. I knew a target would be put on her the moment we went public with each other. I was too caught up in our swift love affair that half the time I can’t even think straight.

Taking her uninjured right hand into mine, I hold it up to my mouth, fluttering gentle kisses on it. Her hand feels lifeless in mine. I would give anything to feel her sweet little hand squeeze mine. Leaning down I kiss her pink plump lips. Lingering against them momentarily. It kills me to not feel her mouth press back against mine. The tears I’ve been holding in since the moment I began the drive to the E.R., are slowly beginning to escape my eyes. One by one, they fall, dripping onto Savannah’s cheeks and slowly tickling down her face. Making it look like she too is crying right along with me.

“I love you baby. Please wake up. I need to see those gorgeous baby blues twinkling back up at me.” I whisper, trying to will her back to me. Gently trying not to hurt my precious angel, I stroke her long golden curls. She always says she loves it when I play with her hair. It’s another of many things we have in common. I swear Savannah’s fingers are magical. If I’m having a bad day, or just stressed out over work, we lay down together on the couch. Me laying between her legs, while she gently runs her fingers through my hair. Massaging my scalp, and at the same time easing all my stress away.

I would give anything to trade places with her right now. She’s been through so much these last few months. She’s been so amazing and strong. Not letting any of it get her down. My sweet Savannah always finds a reason to smile, even when she has every reason to cry. It’s one of the many things about her that I love. She’s a ray of light, that has found a way inside my dark and lonely heart.

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