I’m re writing Exes & Hos and releasing it as a full standalone! New Cover reveal and pre order coming soon 💖🎊
I just re wrote Chapter One for Exes & Hos!
Here it is!!!!!
Chapter One
Exes & Hos, May 28th, 2019
I’m officially done with men!
Well real, warm-blooded men that is. From now on, the only men who’ll be stealing my heart and giving me big O’s are the fictional type.
I know all of you readers follow my blog to read my book reviews and stay up-to-date on what books are coming out next. But I’m shaking things up a bit today. Today, I’m writing a blog post about my train wreck of a love life.
This, my reader friends, is why I get lost in books. I’m at the point in my life where I’d much rather spend my free hours lost in a book while relaxing on a blanket in Central Park, than waste my time out on a date with a douchebag disguised as my dream boyfriend.
To make matters worse, this time, not only did my boyfriend betray me, but my best friend did, too. Hence the title of this blog post. We’ve been best friends since we met at NYU five years ago, but now I find myself wondering if we were ever really friends. Because what best friend sleeps with your boyfriend?
I felt like I was living out one of those scenes we read in a book, where you see something terrible unfolding before your eyes. You know you should stop reading and save yourself the tears you are certain you’re about to cry. Instead, your stubborn ass says, It’s okay. I can handle it! You foolishly push on, reading, and end up devastated, wishing you went with your gut and put the damn book down.
That is what happened to me last night. We were out at a local pub in town with a group of mutual friends. Jake said he was going out to have a cigarette, while I decided to stay inside with our friends so I could order our drinks. As soon as he stepped outside, I got a text from my best friend saying she was on her way. So I thought, Perfect! We’ll have a fun night out to unwind after a hard week of work and kick off the long holiday weekend.
Not even three minutes later, I step outside to find Jake and give him his beer. I began to feel this knot forming in my stomach as I looked around and didn’t see him in his usual spot getting his nicotine fix.
After searching through the sidewalk full of people hanging out smoking and not finding him, I rounded the corner of the pub, discovering a couple getting pretty fricking hot and heavy in the alley. After a few seconds, it hit me that the guy was Jake and he was playing explore-the-inside-of-some-skank’s-mouth. Not just any skank either… my backstabbing best friend!
I felt like the Wicked Witch of the East in The Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy’s house dropped on her fricking head.
To say I was shocked would be putting it lightly. There are no words I could say that’d truly express to you all what it felt like to witness my boyfriend and my best friend making out like two horned up teenagers before my eyes.
Shit hit the fan really quick.
After a huge fight for all of SoHo to see, I left in a cab, stunned, as the reality of what had just happened sunk in. I found myself wondering how many others there were besides her.
I am just grateful that I always made the asshole wrap it up, because God knows what kind of diseases the manwhore of Manhattan could have.
I should’ve known finding a man on Tinder was not going to lead me to my dream man. In my defense I hate the whole trying to date, I’m beyond awkward when it comes to small talk and trying to flirt with a guy. So online dating seemed like the way to go. Scroll through hot guys, strike up a conversation online where I could easily just disappear if I wasn’t feeling the conversation going anywhere. You hear stories of people finding their soulmates with dating apps and I thought, hey, maybe that could happen to me? Sadly, I learned the hard way most guys on those dating sites are serial daters who’s only purpose is to use those apps to find girls to hook up. Once they do they move on to the next pretty face that they can match with. Guys are seriously PIGS!
I don’t know if this is true for any of you out there, or if it’s just me. I have found that it is almost impossible to find a man worth risking your damn heart over. I feel like every guy I meet wants me for only sex. The second things start getting serious, they reveal just how big of a tool they really are and leave you brokenhearted once again.
When it comes to dating, I blame my high expectations on all the ridiculously sexy and swoon-worthy book boyfriends! While out with friends at a restaurant or walking down the streets of New York, I always find myself spotting a sexy bad boy that reminds me of Kellan Kyle, or a deliciously dressed man in a three-piece suit that reminds me of Gideon Cross. I’d go out on dates with these extremely attractive men with this fantasy in my head that they were going to be amazing in bed and the future love of my life and instantly, I’d be falling over myself for these guys and throwing caution to the wind. Biggest mistake of my life!
The way I looked at it, if they resembled my irresistible book boyfriend, maybe I’d luck out and they would also be like them too. Fiction, of course, is based on some form of reality. So, I’ve held onto that hope that I was possibly going out on a date with my future husband that’d whisk me away on romantic getaways and rock my world in the bedroom every single day.
Sadly, and rather quickly, I’ve learned that men like Kayden Knox and Archer Hale don’t really exist. Sure, there’s a shitload of guys that look like our perfect book boyfriends. There isn’t, however, a large number of insanely good-looking men who aren’t complete and total jackasses.
For a while, I was able to overlook the flaws of my current boyfriend, because he had that smile you all know too well—the one they flash that makes you suddenly stupid and turning into a puddle at their feet. Every time I’d start to suspect something wasn’t right, he’d smile at me, say something sweet, and I’d push the worry to the back of my mind. Now I wish I would’ve stopped being so naïve.
The sex was amazing. Like the best sex of my life. He was blessed with a dick you could only dream of…he had the stamina of a man who won gold medals for sex triathlons. Like we’d literally fuck for hours to the point that it hurt to sit the next day and I felt like I had done a full body workout at the gym.
I let the amazing sex cloud my judgement and foolishly ignored all those big bright red flags that were waving right in my face.
This is what led me to the biggest mistake that I have ever made in my life and ultimately led to the biggest betrayal of my life. I had my share of men I’ve met on tinder or out in the real world and when it came to the bedroom, they were awful in bed. So, when you finally meet a guy who’s insanely attractive, funny, charming and to top it off is a sex god in between the sheets you want to shout it from the roof top…or at least to your best friend.
One day while having lunch with my best friend I decided to tell her about Jake since things were starting to get serious. He and I were hooking up regularly and agreed to be exclusive. I even shared a few posts on social media about him and photos of us together. Of course, that peaked my best friend’s curiosity and she wanted to know how things were going in my love life. I of course couldn’t stop gushing about how amazing he was outside and inside the bedroom. This got us onto the top of his dick and how huge it was.
Now let this be a lesson to all of you. Never, I mean never! Let your friends know just how good your boyfriend or guy you’re hooking up with is in bed, and absolutely DO NOT show your friend a dick pic he sent you to show off just how blessed he is because said friend will get jealous of your rocking sex life and set out a master plan to steal that man away from you as fast as she can.
Now I find myself once again single and drowning my sorrows in a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, while he goes on with his life as if I never even existed living happily ever after with my best friend, who now claims that he’s her soulmate and they just couldn’t ignore the chemistry they had between them. The last thing she ever wanted to do was hurt me but when you know you know. I rolled my eyes so hard at that statement I swear they almost lodged into the back of my head.
I know I shouldn’t let it upset me and look at it as a blessing. She saved me from falling any more than I already had and getting even more hurt than I already am, because if he did it with her, he would’ve done it eventually with someone else. For all I know there could’ve been other women before her. I don’t for a second doubt that there will be many more after her. Men like him can’t settle for one woman. They need to have that attention from other women to stroke their egos and they get off on the chase. They always get bored once they have you.
That hasn’t stopped me from getting sad and depressed over this entire situation. While they are living their happy little lives together, I, on the other hand, am dissecting everything about myself. From my hair to my weight, to the way I style my hair and my makeup. So many times, I have wondered what does she have that I don’t? Why would he choose her over me?
Why is it we try to find flaws in ourselves when a man breaks our heart? Instead of looking for the flaws in him.
The signs are usually always there; we just don’t see them until it’s too late. Or we do and choose to ignore them, like I’ve done way too many times. With Jake, like I mentioned before, I chose to ignore the red flags that screamed ‘DOUCHEBAG ALERT’ and instead focused on his skills in the bedroom, and his overly charming personality and smile. Which, in the end, landed me here writing this blog post, ranting about how big of an asshole my ex is.
After having my heart broken for the second time this year—and it is only May!—I’m ready to swear off all men. Unless a guy comes into my life and can show me that charming and ridiculously romantic men truly do exist and not just in my romance novels, then I’m through with dating. It’s too exhausting going through all that us ladies go through when dating a guy, to keep wasting my time on pigs.
So, my fellow bibliophiles, it looks like I’m going to have a lot of free time on my hands now to read. So, if you can comment below this blog post and tell me what the last five-star read is that you just finished. The steamier the better!
I just finished up reading The Blogger Diaries Trilogy by KD Robichaux—where I got the idea for this blog post, and related to it a ridiculous amount!—and currently reading That Second Chance which is book one in the Getting Lucky Series by the amazingly talented Meghan Quinn and LOVING the hell out of it! I have literally laughed so hard throughout the entire book.
I’ll update you all in a few days on how my celibacy is going and what I’m reading next! So…suggest away, book besties!
- Christi, AKA Bed Banging Bibliophile
